[skribblebumpkins]

anyone else get mauma trauma and now it's hard to trust women

my mom couldn't tolerate my emotions and so i went crazy and now it's hard to trust women 

is there good reason not to trust women tho too

weigh in or peace out

[znep]

This is going to be a long one but it could be longer

I believe it was freud who said that our parents make the brain's model for our future life mates. So if your mom was controlling or intolerant over emotional issues you might be looking for women who remind you of her, making it hard to trust them as well.

it's also said the traumatized are stuck in a cycle of arrested development where they have to recreate the childhood traumas they endured to activate a part of their brains, so it's easy to end up in a loop with these subconscious cues without modifying your behavior.

Mike oldfield said something interesting, his mother trauma was that his mom died when he was young. He spiraled until he went through this specialized self help group that had a rebirth process where he screamed and cried and "rebirthed" himself into being again. I believe this sort of mind reset/rebirth is what people look for with drugs or psychedelics and end up chasing the dragon without ever coping with the trauma. Substance abuse can lead to trauma snowballing into a pattern of self destruction. Back to Mike oldfield I guess he's been sober and mentally sound since.

Meditation can help but without a plan it might feel aimless. A method with coping with traumas is tracing it back one step at a time, why does it make me feel this way, how can i fix it, etc. It takes time, and it's easier said than done. I'm not an expert but i think it might be one of the best ways to explore internal trust issues without making yourself totally vulnerable or turning another person into an emotional crash test dummy. Maybe some of these words will lead you in the right direciton.

Personally I trust some women and i trust some men. i don't trust everyone and i definitely don't trust everyone with everything. parables aside human nature is very complicated and i think we hold that against ourselves and each other. Trust is earned and with any relationship the foundation is respect. If you were taught from the beginning that emotions don't matter you might be after that toxic trait and from there the relationship is a time bomb. It's an incompatibility masquerading as a compatibility. The thing is everyone does it but few are aware.

[znep]

Another thing I've noticed is that there is no standardized rite of passage anymore and young men especially suffer for it into even into later adult hood. The quantifier for "growing up" for example is fairly different every decade dating back 100 years when "growing up" definitely felt more dignified than today.

A compounding issue on this especially when a mother is mostly controlling or negligent to the point of abuse or trauma is that there is an affection deprivation that can manifest themselves into problems. Parents often try to repeat their own traumas as well. Biological imprint is part of why we have our culture but also why we make mistakes.

I believe without a rite of passage, without affection the modern version of man specifically is starved for balance that society won't allow. There's a lot to distrust.

Add inequality to this mix and you get societal problems that you can't pinpoint with one tack. A blueprint of degradation against society that is eroding family, home, community, friendships, relationships, the education system and more recently attacks against employment/income.

This is why charlatans selling the youth a lifestyle as a 'man card' is dangerous and morally reprehensible. With the media and academia making it a taboo to discuss men's issues it really cements the problem into a deep seated issue that is going to last for generations as men and women grow to feel more alienated from each other.

[skribblebumpkins]

maybe we could use a #metoo movement for the guys. not just related to sexual abuse but emotional neglect. guys are often looked at as disposable (i.e. go die in war). guys aren't usually good about opening up about how much pain they carry but that's not sustainable. i don't mean to generalize.

[znep]

We definitely need to encourage a dialog for this somewhere. You can read the news and see how badly everyone is suffering from it, all the shootings, people getting left behind, falling through the cracks, etc etc. Resources aren't always there and support groups might not cut it and silent suffering isn't cutting it. I wonder what's in the middle.

I noticed on the news that Brazil is having anti-machismo classes to get men to participate in household duties as fathers. I wonder now do we as men need to be reprogrammed not to be unfeeling cannon fodder meat for the war machine or capital meat grinder? It almost sounds frightening doesn't it?